A Love Letter to my Anxiety

Dear Anxiety,

Thank you for your brief visit today, while I was grocery shopping, standing in a long checkout line and I didn’t expect you. I’m still a little puzzled as to what triggered you, but I expect it was well deserved, or overdue and out of nowhere, or maybe you arrived because I needed you to, despite feeling a little overwhelmed and embarrassed at your appearance in my otherwise cheery day. What is it about standing still that makes us so uncomfortable anyways? I can always trace back my anxious feelings to performance anxiety (but even when grocery shopping?). It was one of those days when my ‘to do’ list for work and life went untouched due to a variety of factors that were out of my control. So there it is… low performance + lack of control = sweats at the grocery store on an otherwise completely mellow, Monday afternoon.

So listen up, I wanted to take a well-thought out moment to let you know I’m grateful for you, anxiety. I’m grateful for the role you played in keeping my ancestors alive, and teaching them how to become predators rather than prey. I’m grateful that this lingering physiological reaction I occasionally feel is a sister to my beloved intuition, who also comes from your historic time of tactical survival and the elevated level of life-or-death decision making. What would I do without those tell-all butterflies in my tummy and those unmistakeable sweaty palms that have been helping me choose the right paths all these years?

Let’s take a walk, anxiety. By the way, I’m also grateful and proud that I know you so well, and that I could best you today. I recognized your oncoming and I reminded myself quickly as you crept up my neck with your fiery heat, you quickened my heart beat beyond comfort and you clouded my mind that you are temporary, natural and common –  and with that simple recognition of my everyman humanity and of your true physiology I was able to come down as fast as your grip escalated, get grounded, refocus my thoughts and return to my calm. 

See you next time, old, familiar friend.